When I was little, calling someone “adopted” was the worst insult neighborhood kids could give each other. It was a total putdown—a way of saying, “You’re different.” “You don’t fit in.” or “You don’t belong here.” I always cringed when I heard it because I was adopted. Ouch.
I knew I was different. I didn’t want to be. My parents told me how “special” I was because they had chosen me, but I just felt like a square peg.
And it got worse. In sixth grade, we moved to a small town where all the kids had been together since kindergarten. I was a total outsider. Not only that, but it was a Catholic school and every single kid except me and two others was Catholic. I already felt so different. This situation was like a triple whammy.
One weekend in the beginning of the school year, Brett, a boy in my class, had a party. Later I learned that he invited everybody in the class… except me. To say I was crushed is an understatement. It was the worst feeling I’d had yet—and I determined with a steely resolve that this would NEVER happen again.
I decided to take the role of leader everywhere I could. In class. On the playground. In sports. By 8th grade, I was class president and invited to all the parties. But the thing is, I still didn’t feel like I belonged. I still didn’t feel like I had a tribe.
Whether or not you’re adopted, does any of this sound familiar to you? That very primal feeling of not belonging—what I like to call ‘tribelessness”—is pretty universal to all humans.
The problem is, the second you start to think you’re different or special you separate yourself from others. You create scenarios and situations that make you feel unconnected. In order for specialness to be there, it comes from the “lack seen in another”.
One of the biggest aha’s I’ve had in recent years was when my mentor talked about how “getting over the need to be special” was the key to success. I was SO used to feeling special—to feeling either one up or one below everyone else all the time. Comparing and keeping track of who was doing what and how I was better or worse, smarter or stupider, skinnier or fatter. It was constant. I compared myself to my friends, to other moms at school, to other business owners.
By getting over that need to be special, I finally understood that I’m not superior or inferior to ANY other human in the world and it opened up a whole world of possibilities including:
- No more self-induced struggle
- Freedom from comparison which comes from finding “lack” in another
- Letting go of finding what is wrong in most situations so you can be right
- Understanding that you are your only problem and you are the only solution
- No longer needing to hold on to others mistakes
- Understanding how all of this affects your sales and your business
After a lifetime of feeling tribeless, I’ve devoted my life and work these days to healing everything special about me that instead acts as a barrier to belonging—and helping others do that, too.
Have you heard about my upcoming Fearless Freedom Retreat?
It’s open to all entrepreneurs – anyone looking to uplevel their business and drop their barriers of comparison, one-upsmanship, and that feeling of being “less-than” and small with certain people. In 2 days together we’ll create a tribe of Connection and Support that you can plug back into as you launch into success.
We’ll break through hidden barriers and old thought patterns, rally for clarity in your goals, your life, your business, and forge a new path to financial freedom and peace in your life.
Learn all about it here: https://tandypryorcoaching.com/retreat-invite
I know you’re special—to your mate, your kids, your dog – but when you finally release the NEED to be that way, that’s when you’ll see all that’s possible.